The only way the two gray tanks would "equalize" (a procedure many of us use regularly to extend dry camping) is if BOTH gray tank valves were open. If only one gray valve is open and the other gray valve is closed, then waste water can not flow between the tanks (through the closed valve). I'd suspect that the take that filled more rapidly is plumbed to faucets/sinks/showers that were used more often... In our dry camping style, during the summer the galley tank fills first as we usually "jump off the side of the boat to bathe" rather than use the shower in the trailer. During the winter, the bathroom gray tank fills first because we shower in the trailer using more water than we do for washing dishes.
I'd suspect your tank filling experiences parallel ours, maybe not the same way, but in using more water at "one end of the trailer" so that tank fills faster...
To equalize the tanks, so they both fill "close to equally", you need to put a valve on the sewer outlet and open both gray tank dump valves. That will let waste water flow between the tanks, but not escape the trailer through the sewer outlet. If the trailer is relatively level, the tanks will fill fairly close to the same rate. If the rear of the trailer is 2-3 inches higher than the front of the trailer, then the rear tank will not fill as fast and when the front tank is full, there'll still be 2-3 inches of space remaining. When you think about the height of most tanks is 5-7 inches, that's somewhere between 1/3 of the tank space left when the front (lower tank) is already full.
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John
2015 F250 6.7l 4x4
2014 Cougar X Lite 27RKS
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