A little humor is healthy

[Northofu1]

Some guys never learn,

[Gumby52]

Originally Posted by GlampingHippie

I thought this was cute

Doesn't matter - they both use first names only

[AbHDToyHauler]

Originally Posted by ctbruce

Can't gather in groups larger than10. Bars closed. Restaurants closed. Gyms closed. Grocery stores out of everything. Wheres a guy to go to meet women?

I would say the "Emergency room" if you don't self isolate. LOL

[Canonman]

Search for the Holy Grail

[ctbruce]

This is bad news at our ages.

[LHaven]

Luckily, Harbor Freight is still open.

[JRTJH]

Originally Posted by LHaven

Luckily, Harbor Freight is still open.

Make sure you get the HF scope with the SD card slot. It's discouraging to do the prep, the scope and find out there's nobody watching on the telemed prompter so you have to do it all again..... SD cards help, at least a bit...

[hornet28]

This is funny

[Canonman]

Yup, too much to think about

[larryflew]

Some may be repeats.

- 2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.

- The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house, and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!

- You think it’s bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people homeschooled by day drinkers.

- This virus has done what no woman has been able to do … cancel all sports, shut down all bars, and keep men at home!!!

- Do not call the police on suspicious people in your neighborhood! Those are your neighbors without makeup and hair extensions!

- Since we can’t eat out, now’s the perfect time to eat better, get fit, and stay healthy. We’re quarantined! Who are we trying to impress? We have snacks, we have sweatpants – I say we use them!

- Day 7 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!”

- Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands???

- I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6 foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!

- Me: Alexa what’s the weather this weekend? Alexa: It doesn’t matter – you’re not going anywhere.

- Can everyone please just follow the government instructions so we can knock out this coronavirus and be done?! I feel like a kindergartner who keeps losing more recess time because one or two kids can’t follow

- When this is over … what meeting do I attend first … Weight Watchers or AA?

- Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told “no” if we get too close to strangers, and we get really excited about car rides.

[hornet28]

couple more

[JRTJH]

As we begin to turn the corner on this "time we'd all like to forget"....

[JRTJH]

And for those who want to "hang on for just a little longer"....

[SummitPond]

It's a good thing gas prices are depressed.

[hornet28]

When will the cartels jump on this

[MN-Clark]

Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $10,000.

The Husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside.

Artie sighed, rolled his eyes and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Costco Supermarket. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the shop's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the premises.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...

(You're going to hate me for this....)


"ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1 @ Costco"

Quit groaning! I don't write this stuff, I receive it from my warped friends and then send it on to you. And yes, we're bored senseless in self quarantine, too!

[notanlines]

I’m guessing it has been a loooong winter in the north woods.

[jsb5717]

For you sewers out there

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4c5eo_3-y0&app=desktop

[sourdough]

Originally Posted by jsb5717

For you sewers out there

Thanks Jeff! That was hilarious. Had to bring DW in so she could watch and learn how to sew us some masks vs waiting for those things to come in from China. Sure enough, went in to check on her and she followed the instructions to a T....right down to her arm being pinned to the machine.

When I first read the title I thought it was referring to "sewers" as in drain/pipe etc. This was much more fun and instructional. and I think we should thank Kay's SIL!!

[Canonman]

Just in case you were wondering.....