Are we truely bad parents? Rant.....

Double b · 05-11-2017, 09:55 AM

As parents of 4 children who get truly whatever they want within reason when they want it, are we bad parents in taking a month off from work and hitting the road with our kids and leaving all the distractions at home? Distractions means the X-box, I-pads, I-pods, tablets, computers, etc. Hell, our camper is nothing like what we grew up with. It has AC, TV, stereo, running water, a bath room, a shower, I could go on...

The reason for this rant/questioning, I was discussing our planned month long trip this summer to Nova Scotia and was told that I was "mean" for saying I had no intentions to bring the "distractions" on our trip. They where stay home on their own vacation. We where then asked what I had planned on doing with the kids when I needed to get away from them.

I responded to this question with what I thought common sense. We are going on vacation to connect with each other in ways that we normally don't due to the regular distractions of life and work. I plan on spending all my time with the kids and wife, not move the traveling road show to next campground to carry on the everyday life of living apart in the same house.

I was told have fun with that one....

Is it just me of am I missing something here?

Last year we pulled out the old "RV" movie with Robin Williams and watched it with the kids. It was our motivation for getting the camper in the first place. As it is truly a blueprint of what needs to be done more often. We bought the camper, took a 3 week road trip, and became the family we wanted to be, and not where. It took a week to reprogram ourselves from the wanting of the distractions though. Even my oldest, 14 year girl (going on 40), reveled some of her best times in her life where with the family in the camper. All I have to do is ask for help on the camper and she is there, anything else and she is no where to be found. lol

So to all that are reading this rant, I don't think forcing ourselves and the kids to unplug is bad, or making us bad parents. I believe the individual that stated "have fun with that" has lost their way in the world of distractions from what is truly important. Being a family!

**sourdough** · 05-11-2017, 10:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Double b

As parents of 4 children who get truly whatever they want within reason when they want it, are we bad parents in taking a month off from work and hitting the road with our kids and leaving all the distractions at home? Distractions means the X-box, I-pads, I-pods, tablets, computers, etc. Hell, our camper is nothing like what we grew up with. It has AC, TV, stereo, running water, a bath room, a shower, I could go on...

The reason for this rant/questioning, I was discussing our planned month long trip this summer to Nova Scotia and was told that I was "mean" for saying I had no intentions to bring the "distractions" on our trip. They where stay home on their own vacation. We where then asked what I had planned on doing with the kids when I needed to get away from them.

I responded to this question with what I thought common sense. We are going on vacation to connect with each other in ways that we normally don't due to the regular distractions of life and work. I plan on spending all my time with the kids and wife, not move the traveling road show to next campground to carry on the everyday life of living apart in the same house.

I was told have fun with that one....

Is it just me of am I missing something here?

Last year we pulled out the old "RV" movie with Robin Williams and watched it with the kids. It was our motivation for getting the camper in the first place. As it is truly a blueprint of what needs to be done more often. We bought the camper, took a 3 week road trip, and became the family we wanted to be, and not where. It took a week to reprogram ourselves from the wanting of the distractions though. Even my oldest, 14 year girl (going on 40), reveled some of her best times in her life where with the family in the camper. All I have to do is ask for help on the camper and she is there, anything else and she is no where to be found. lol

So to all that are reading this rant, I don't think forcing ourselves and the kids to unplug is bad, or making us bad parents. I believe the individual that stated "have fun with that" has lost their way in the world of distractions from what is truly important. Being a family!

It's not bad parenting....you're spot on.

All the gadgets kids mess with anymore has a degenerative effect on them. I don't like them nor find much purpose in them. Laptop for research? Sure. IPhone for games and rap music? No.

When I was growing up, and when I was raising my kids, the only noise maker in camp was a chain saw for wood (tree saw/axe when I was a kid). We found tons of things to do and enjoyed every minute. My son and grandson are that way today. My grandgirls love it too if I can pry them out (plus they are in FL and I'm in TX

).

Go ahead and leave all the "stuff" at home. When camping there are many other, more important, things to do that involves everyone. Good luck!

Mikesamoose · 05-11-2017, 10:12 AM

I think that anytime you can "unplug" it is time well spent whether it is our kids or ourselves. I'm always excited and happy when I pull into the CG and my phone has no coverage or the WiFi connection is so bad I can't even get my email up. The whole reason for owning the trailer for my wife and me is to slow down a little and enjoy life a little more.

So I commend you for creating a distraction free experience. Enjoy your time as a family. The distractions will be there when you get home.

notanlines · 05-11-2017, 10:23 AM

BB, help us out here: Who will have a cellphone when the rig leaves the driveway? If you tell us that either you or Momma will have one then the work "hypocrite" comes into play. If you then say that it is only for emergencies I say you are being less than truthful. Now, to venture just a little to "the other side," if instead you say we need to keep in touch with folks back home just the tiniest bit then look on the side your children see. They too would like to stay in touch with folks back home. It would be my opinion that a little negotiating, some give and take, is in order. If you truly want this trip to be as memorable as you visualize everyone needs to be "on board" in the planning. C'mon, surely there is a "one hour a day" period that can be spared to get this out of their system?
By the way, if you see an old bald guy, his wife and their dachshund in Nova Scotia, that would be us. And we'll be on our way to Labrador.
However it turns out, have a great trip and keep us informed.

DHawk · 05-11-2017, 11:00 AM

I think this makes you great parents, but maybe a little unrealistic. Part of the solution is to plan activities that engage the whole clan and keeps them from wanting "screen time," but that can be difficult if there is a decent age gap.

My $0.02...and what we do...is allow them to take their devices, but limit them to a few hours a day and only when we say it is OK. That is normally when the parents would like a little down time to read or play a game on our own. We both need to have some contact with things that may come back up at home and our children feel their social lives are almost as important.

I'm not sure how your all travel together, but a long day in the truck is also a great time for the kids to use their gadgets. Take the stress off the driver of making sure the kids are preoccupied and save arguments over what is being played on the radio. The kids can wear headphones and the parents can have some quality time to visit.

Good luck and enjoy your trip!

UsTwo · 05-11-2017, 01:22 PM

I got a good laugh out of this post... You all just keep doing what you are doing...Your children will thank you when they look back at the time growing up and have those special memories. Congrats of being great parents...

Pull Toy · 05-11-2017, 01:42 PM

Kids today are spoiled. Teach them "Kick the Can", Whiffle ball. etc... (All of the non-battery stuff!)

When my grandkids were small, I promised myself to never buy them a toy that required batteries., and I never did. When you flip on the screen, you shut down the imagination. As kids, we could make up a game that lasted for hours, with odds and ends for equipment. Car trips were an excuse to look out the window to try to find all 48 state license plates,(there were only 48 back then.) and play word games and stuff.

We also used to walk a mile to school in the snow, and it was uphill both ways!

No Kiddin'!

66joej · 05-11-2017, 05:03 PM

We also used to walk a mile to school in the snow, and it was uphill both ways!

No Kiddin'![/QUOTE]

"Pull Toy" And I thought the only place where the walk to school that was uphill both ways in the winter was in Thunder Bay ON.
But I totally agree try to engage the kids. Had a hard time with my 3 girls forty+ years ago but they remember the good times camping and we do laugh about it now. The bonus was no cell phones, internet, games and all that stuff back in the day.

Tbos · 05-11-2017, 05:30 PM

I think what you are doing is great. I hope it goes well.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

ctbruce · 05-11-2017, 07:02 PM

It's only hard til it gets easy. Then it's totally worth it.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N910A using Tapatalk

theeyres · 05-11-2017, 08:34 PM

Interesting discussion. As a 77 year old I'm not sure what to think. If you take away the kids gadgets then I do think you should also leave yours at home. No cell phones. No laptops. No tablets. None. Then we are on a level playing field and all can rediscover what it is like to interact as a family. Let us know how it goes. I have survived 50 years of camping with only recently getting into the gadget era. You really don't need all that stuff...but what applies to the kids applies to the adults.

bwright · 05-12-2017, 03:48 AM

I would say that the first few days will be a living hell for you and your spouse, however, I believe at the end of the trip it will be one of their most memorable experiences of their short lives and it will be one that they talk about for a lifetime. They will do more talking to each other, hiking, swimming, bike riding, etc....than probably the rest of their lives.

Don't worry, as soon as you get back home, you will lose them again with the electronics.

**JRTJH** · 05-12-2017, 04:06 AM

Recently, many "experts" in addictive therapy have included "cell phone/electronic device" use as an addiction. They theorize that the "reward" of an approving "tweet" or that "getting likes on Facebook" leads to satisfaction and not getting those approvals leads to "decreased happiness" and can lead to depression. Sounds almost "melodramatic" but when you look around at people who can't eat lunch without checking their phone, when you see people at a stoplight with "thumbs flying" and when you look over at the driver in the car passing you on the expressway and see a phone in their hand (while they forget their turn signal) it makes you question whether or not having that "thing" in your hand 24/7 might just be "addictive"....

Reading some of the comments here, you'll see comments about addiction. Things like, "The first few days will be hell".... "Leave your gadgets home" ... and "don't use yours in front of the kids" are all statements we would tell someone who is trying to stop smoking or stop gambling or stop drinking or stop ????

So, making your kids go "cold turkey" might be one of the best things you do for them, but how you do it could very well be the key to a successful vacation or it could lead to a month long nightmare. I'd consider preparing for vacation by making rules that restrict phone/electronics use to only specific hours at home. You wouldn't stop doing what you enjoy "all at once" so don't expect the kids to "alter their behavior" and give up their "enjoyment" and be happy either.....

SAABDOCTOR · 05-12-2017, 05:22 AM

Are you bad parents? Nope That is why we all go camping. To relax and unwind. The kids may be mad at you in the beginning but that will change. there is more to life than a 5 inch screen

Enjoy your triplet us know how it goes.Be safe

rhagfo · 05-12-2017, 05:38 AM

No, good parenting.
Yes, take at least one cell phone for emergency us, and one tablet or PC for research of sites to see, this could also be done before the trip, so the tablet could be left home.

We just went 7 day cruise, and amazed at the number of people with phones out constantly. Mine when in airplane mode in the drawer, only use was to see what time it was or an alarm.

canesfan · 05-12-2017, 06:00 AM

I'm not going one direction or the other on this, but it amazes me how often when camping I see the kids out playing and the adults sitting around with their phones/tablets in their hands. It's not just the kids that are addicted.

**sourdough** · 05-12-2017, 07:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theeyres

Interesting discussion. As a 77 year old I'm not sure what to think. If you take away the kids gadgets then I do think you should also leave yours at home. No cell phones. No laptops. No tablets. None. Then we are on a level playing field and all can rediscover what it is like to interact as a family. Let us know how it goes. I have survived 50 years of camping with only recently getting into the gadget era. You really don't need all that stuff...but what applies to the kids applies to the adults.

I have to respectfully disagree. I take my cell, and will have my cell, wherever I go for the safety aspect. If something happens to one of us, or a breakdown, or something happens to a family member while you're gone, you need it. It would be silly to leave a safety device at home so the kids would "feel" better and while you were putting yourself on "an even playing field" with them. You can explain that to them and they should understand; if not, then they have to deal with it.

The world wasn't made so that all children and their parents are "equal". A parent has to make those calls and explain the difference. Now, if you're going to take your cell and play games but they can't, that's a different story.

**sourdough** · 05-12-2017, 07:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by canesfan

I'm not going one direction or the other on this, but it amazes me how often when camping I see the kids out playing and the adults sitting around with their phones/tablets in their hands. It's not just the kids that are addicted.

^^^^This! I'm not so sure that what we see in kids are not what they pick up from some adults. I'm always amazed at the number of grownups glued to their devices while driving, in the doctor's office, grocery store (I've been run over by a woman pushing a basket looking at her phone) etc. It's not all the "kids" faults, but it is something that needs to be addressed if they are obsessive about them.

allmi01 · 05-12-2017, 09:04 AM

No your not being a bad parent. You are being a parent.

that said, I did something similar back in 2003 with 5 kids (ages 7 to 15), for a 3 week trip to the left coast. 6000 miles. My wife and I had cell phones, the kids did not. they had a VHS player in the Expedition. We did not take a TV with us.

We did take bicycles to burn off energy after a long day driving.

We and they all still have very good memories of that trip.

Going unplugged is great and will work. It takes a parent to say, leave it home and a mature parent to leave their "toys" alone during the trip as well.

Enjoy the trip. Make it fun for all and do some great bonding! You will not regret it.

Todd727 · 05-12-2017, 08:58 PM

Very telling that some think that the parents and kids should be subject to the same rules. Especially when I see that those with that feeling are quite a bit older, in fact my parents age.

Life isn't fair and Mom and Dad having a phone doesn't automatically translate to the little ones get theirs too.

To Double b, you are doing a great thing. Enjoy the trip and know that in a few years, it will be one of the cherished memories you all share.

You may also like: