[sourdough]

OP my sincerest condolences on your tragic loss. Your desire to return to some sort of normalcy is certainly understandable. In your quest to return to a pre tragedy state don't let that desire cloud your better judgement from a safety perspective; and I think you are trying very hard to do that.

The van has a max tow rating (always too high) of 9300lbs. The RV weighs 9640lbs. = overweight. At 9640lbs. the trailer tongue would be 1253lbs. at 13% vs a max tongue weight for the van of 1000lbs. = overweight. Since we apparently don't have a payload sticker look at it this way; the gvw of the van is 9600lbs. You're thinking your payload is 3142 based on the generic "chart" you copied. In fact your payload will be your gvw (9600) less the weight of the truck. It's been a long time since I dealt with vans so don't know those numbers off the top of my head and never dealt with a 15 passenger bus anyway, BUT, even a 1 ton pickup truck will come in well in excess generally of 7k lbs. if it has anything at all on it. So just taking that, let's say 7200lbs. for a 15 passenger bus and a gvw of 9600lbs = 2400lbs. payload not 3142 (brochures are sales tools, not to reality or to keep you safe). Now;

That vehicle requires a weight distribution hitch if the trailer is over 4000lbs. (we are ignoring the fact that it is overweight for the moment for illustrative purposes). Add 120lbs. for a good wdh, which will be imperative with that kind of combo. Previously it was estimated at 1000lbs. for 9 people (very conservative and the kids will keep growing). You added 500lbs. for "misc" which I also think is conservative if not dangerous. We're now at 1620; 1000 + 120 + 500 = 1620. We're now at approx. 2875 required for payload vs. an estimated 2400. EXACTLY where you do NOT want to be with a bus full of children - and we are using very conservative, if not unrealistically low, numbers. If you err on the side of anything you want it to be safety and a safety cushion - not pushing the envelope with a bus full of kids.

I know you said DW said she is totally against 2 vehicles which then to me, means she is against this combination because IMO it places you and the entire family in danger. I know you desperately want to return to a state of normalcy but again, reality must trump everything here to make sure you return in a safe manner. Wishing you the best..